Candidate #1 — The Massachusetts Moderate: A Venture Capitalist who promises to “save the soul of America”—it’s hard to get more pro-unfettered Capitalism than that. And this bold promise comes from a man whose personal net worth exceeds 250 mil. As President, he will do his best to see that the Federal Government “gets out of the way,” thereby flooding the economy with jobs. He’s a bit vague on details, but he assures the voter that his experience with downsizing in the private sector will enable him to quickly downsize the government. Thus, eliminating the deficit and doing this without raising taxes or cutting the Defense Budget. He views the end of the war in Iraq and our impending exit from Afghanistan as colossal Obama foreign policy blunders. His social values, while suspect by the far right, are vigorously articulated by the candidate. His stance on Healthcare Reform is a bit muddled, but he is vociferously anti-Obamacare. He looks presidential and is considered highly electable.

Candidate #2 — The Washington Outsider: A state’s rights struggle will be at the heart of the presidential election, and this Governor is state’s rights to-the-max: He doesn’t want the Fed involved in much of anything except national defense. He wants to go to Washington and dismantle the Federal Government, make it, in his own words, “completely irrelevant.” He's suggested Congress be comprised of part-timers, people who have real jobs back home. He has a laundry list of federal functions he intends to eliminate and departments he will immediately dissolve. However, he makes an exception for the Military. The military he would beef up. Because, when elected, he intends to send those troops right back into Iraq until they finish the job. This guy claims to spend most of his spare time on the “shootin’ range.” He does have a nice presidential swagger faintly reminiscent of a certain former occupant.

Candidate #3 — The Libertarian: So that we might have a full range of choices, Candidate #3 would have us reduce the deficit by abolishing all overseas expenditures, including the military. Get rid of foreign aid, downsize the embassies, and bring boys home from all 137 foreign countries we have a military presence. This would certainly take down the deficit. But, wait a minute, he wants to abolish all income taxes as well. Up goes the deficit again. Not to worry: His plan to reduce the size of the Federal Government is even more draconian than that of his rivals. While a hostility towards the Federal Government is a common theme deeply woven into the rhetoric of all the candidates, #3 advocates a uniquely quick and terminal fix. He's particularly focused on the “money supply,” dedicated to a return to the gold standard. It is somewhat unclear to the layman exactly what that means or how these policies might impact the economy, but “fasten your seatbelts”—this is political Darwinism in the extreme.

Candidate #4 — Formerly Knows as Senator Slash: Here comes a fresh new face from somewhere in Pennsylvania. This man is a staunch Conservative, with a consistent voting record, and the only authentic social Conservative in the race (so he tells us in every speech, again and again). He's a passionate pro-lifer, adamantly opposed to gay marriage, a man of faith and an ardent supporter of family values. He presents himself as a military “hawk” on foreign affairs, perhaps a bit too hawkish to have his finger on the red button. He seems a forthright young man recently emerged from way, way back in the pack thanks to a serendipity connect with Iowan Evangelicals. We don’t really know much about how he plans to deal with the economy, but we do know he hates the deficit, federal regulations and President Obama. After New Hampshire, he may leave the circus as quickly as he has arrived.

Candidate #5 — The Reagan Conservative: Our final candidate is a Southerner overflowing with endless ideas, a swashbuckling, articulate speaker never at a loss for words or solutions. Like his fellow candidates, he's generally hostile towards the Federal Government and its attempts to regulate the free market or to “redistribute wealth” via a progressive tax code. He's a fervid advocate of immediately developing domestic energy sources wherever and however possible. He's a self-proclaimed historian with an uncomfortably aggressive worldview. The author of the Contract for America, he's a true Washington insider, well known to everyone on Capital Hill. Here’s the rub: The rap sheet on him (from those on both sides of the aisle) is more than a little disconcerting. We repeatedly hear things like “emotionally unstable,” “loose cannon,” “unpredictable,” and always the caveat, “too much baggage.”